Thursday, October 4, 2012

Deployment, if you dare!

Okay, so I've been asked numerous times what it's like for deployment and what to expect when the time starts winding down. As most of you know I am a military spouse and have experienced deployment first hand. Not only were we extremely NEW newlyweds, we were also dealing with a lot and a deployment was thrown into the mix. Hubby left for a 4 month deployment. Now, I have been through deployments before with my brother who is Army but it is TOTALLY different than it being your SO. I can't stress this enough. It IS different. While he was gone I had a couple of surgeries and 2 ER visits. It was so bad he called his boss that is stateside at 6pm our time to go to the ER and check on me. It was that bad ya'll. When he left I was still new to the area, didn't know anyone or anything. So I would wake up every morning and cry, go get chocolate donuts from Wal-Mart LOL, then go get lost in town to try to find something to do. I fell into a depression and would cry randomly just from seeing someone holding hands in front of me. I would go to the Dollar store and spend $5 on things I knew I didn't need but made me feel better. My outlet to waste time was play video games or sleep. I couldn't watch TV much because everything that was on TV was about love or relationships and it would make my depression worse than what it already was. I heard all the time to stay busy but hey, there's only so much a person can do. Needless to say, I survived deployment WITHOUT any children or pets. I was here all alone in this City I now call home. I know my way around town now from going and getting lost randomly. I learned my way around base alone. I learned what programs are out there and what to do. I was basically thrown to the wolves to survive 4 months in a town I knew nothing about with the military and my husband overseas. It was really tough. I, myself, have a problem with the military (that will be another blog, it's a new situation within itself). Don't let people tell you that the military will help you and be there and all this. It's what you make of it. I found the Family Readiness Center half way through deployment. The people there are nice and would talk to me about whatever was on my mind. It helped in a way but not nearly as much as you would think. They kept saying stay busy stay busy it will keep your mind off of things. People fail to realize that keeping busy only makes it worse in time. If you don't listen to yourself listen to me. You need to deal with the issue at hand, don't put it on the back burner. Doing things to keep you busy is okay BUT at the end of the day when it's time to unwind guess what, it will hit you like a ton of bricks and you won't know what to do. So I say this with love and care, it's okay to cry. It's okay to challenge yourself but it is NOT okay to stay busy at all times thinking it will make things better. It's only suppressing how you really feel and trust me it will hit you and when it does your life will be in a whirl wind. I can't stress that enough. Be ready to be alone, sad, and feeling hopeless at times. It's normal to feel that way. You have to bounce back, you have to snap out of it if your going to survive. What I would do is invite my husbands friends over from his squadron when the game would come on and I'd cook for everyone. That was my way of feeling like I did something. Try volunteering at the daycare on base or the thift store on base. Those are places the Family Readiness Center told me to volunteer at but I chose not to be in the public eye a lot, personal choice. Go to the gym and work out. That will eat an hour of your day :) Hmm, also try thifting. I find thifting to be fun, it's almost like a scavenger hunt. I hated being in public or being on base because it would make me notice how much people are so lovey dovy and I'd be jealous of that or notice how people take having their loved one here for granted. It was the little things with me that I noticed which is why I shy'd away from the public. If you have any questions or would like someone to talk to while your hubby is deployed please feel free to message me or whatever. I've been there before and have battled depression in the process so I know how it is. Trust and believe I've been where you are. Keep your head up everyone, deployment can only defeat you IF you let it!

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